Yes, I’ve Considered Divorce

Now What?

It seems odd that I’m writing this article the day before our twenty-third wedding anniversary. At the time, Jennifer and I are enjoying a great relationship, but it hasn’t always been so. Only a few folks have worked up the courage to ask, so for those that wonder but won’t ask – yes, I’ve considered divorce.

Even more dangerous, I know Jennifer has considered divorce also. I could use divorce statistics to convince you, but I trust you understand that our marriage has been in serious trouble during these times of divorce consideration. Much of marriage is a mental and emotional battle. Once a spouse has mentally and emotionally gone into divorce mode, odds are they won’t return.

So how did we get there?

Well, life happened to us. Like the majority of married couples, we started having children and ventured into our careers. We often use the cliche, “don’t blink, you’ll miss something” with new parents. The cliche is meant to warn new parents their children will grow so quickly and they should cherish every moment with them. Maybe we should start using this cliche for marriage as well. Don’t blink, you’ll miss something.

We missed the fact that life was pulling us apart like a rip current in the ocean. We blinked and suddenly we were just parenting partners, not a married couple. Jennifer became consumed with our children, their education, and extracurricular activities – all very good things. I became distracted by my career, making more money, and climbing the corporate latter – again, all very good things.

In addition to children and career, we let other voluntary activities of life distract us from one another. Church activities, for example, became distractions that drifted us apart. Over the twenty-three years, we’ve done everything you can imagine in our church. When you combine the children, the career, and the church, where is there time for the couple? While it can be balanced, we failed to balance all those areas of life, therefore our marriage suffered for it. That’s when the divorce considerations crept into our mind.

So divorce considerations have infiltrated your marriage, now what? What do you do now? How do you survive? How do you keep the marriage together? Let me share a few points I learned from my own experience.

087 – How To Get Your Husband To Lead

I didn’t say it, she did!

Welcome to episode 87 of the REAL Family Podcast. This podcast offers real help and hope for every family. In today’s episode, we have the opportunity to hear from my good friend, Michelle Discavage regarding equipping your husband to lead.

Michelle Discavage is the author of Unnamed Women of the Bible: Lessons of Value, Belonging, and Worth, speaker, and a Certified Life Purpose Coach. She desires to come alongside women as they seek truth in their own lives, and to build a community of women who can admit they do not have it altogether.

Life does not have to be perfect, and neither do we. The beauty is, God has a plan and a purpose for us all.

How to find Michelle:
sparkedliving.net
unnamedwomenbook.com
facebook.com/MichelleDiscavage
Instagram: michellediscavage
twitter: @SparkedLiving

Listen to the Audio

Podcast: Play in browser | Download

Subscribe on iTunes

 


Podcast Sponsor

This podcast episode is sponsored by the Call to Me Prayer Journal by Jeannine Moffitt. 

How can Christians transform the daily call to prayer, with all of its challenges, into a purposeful, organized, and enjoyable routine?

Call To Me provides an easy to use prayer journal that helps keep individuals on track and allows them to see their entire week of prayer at a glance. They can organize prayer requests, concerns, and praises into labeled columns across a spacious two-page spread. With plenty of room to journal, they can reflect on answered prayers, continuing requests, or even the impact of certain verses, all in one convenient location.

Along the bottom of each spread, Call To Me includes scriptures speaking to everyday topics that help spark prayer life. The journal’s creator, Jeannine Moffitt, has provided example spreads to nudge hesitant individuals past the starting line until they settle into their own rhythm.

With its beautifully laid out design, many find Call to Me a user-friendly tool for combined journaling and prayer. By taking care of the organization, it allows Christians to focus on the prayer itself and truly enjoy an enriched prayer life.

Jeannine is a wife, a mother, sister, mother-in-law, grandmother, friend, recent cancer survivor, speaker and author. Her husband is a pastor, so she can relate to other women who are also pastor’s wives and all that that brings! She is a woman with a lot of life experiences!  She’s worked in the corporate world and legal field as a certified paralegal. She’s worked in the Christian realm and non-profit arena. She (and her husband) homeschooled for 12 years. She is a recent cancer survivor and understands the difficulties and challenges of dealing with cancer. She can identify with women from varied backgrounds, various ages, and all stages of life.  She likes to use her sense of humor and quick wit to drive home truths that may be difficult to hear and even more difficult to apply!  She enjoys speaking to women and encouraging them to reach their God-given potential and become all God intended for them to be.

No matter where you’ve been—fatherless, abused, abandoned, or divorced—or where you are presently—sick, a single parent, addicted, in financial trouble—you can become the person God intended for you to be.  Jeannine will tell you that our past does not dictate our future. God has a plan for our lives regardless of our circumstances. We have a choice in what we do, and that first, critical choice is to trust God with our lives. He promises when we give our life to Him, He will show us how to live victoriously each and every day.

Jeannine has a passion for prayer and created this journal with that in mind, to help others have a deeper prayer walk with Jesus.

Open Letter to the Low Desire Spouse

You don't have to feel guilt or shame

So you think all your spouse thinks about is sex? So you feel like your spouse may suffer from sexual perversion because no one can possibly need sex that often? You are not alone! Every marriage on the planet has to struggle through a difference in sex drive among spouses. The degrees of separation will vary, but every marriage has a low desire spouse and a high desire spouse.

It’s likely that you feel like the bad guy or gal as it may be, in your relationship. You are the one preventing relational intimacy in the marriage because of your low desire for physical intimacy. It’s also likely that your high desire spouse has no idea why you have low or even no desire. In that case, I’ve also written an open letter to the high desire spouse. Just a word of advice should you share this article with your high desire spouse – be prepared to talk about it.

Luckily, low desire spouses are not doomed to a life of guilt or shame. Unless your spouse truly suffers from a sexual addiction, which isn’t likely, your high desire spouse’s sex drive can be satisfied. These few principles will allow you pull out of your sexual shell and actually enjoy meeting your spouse’s sexual needs.

086 – Secret To A Happy Marriage

Easy said, difficult done

Welcome to episode 86 of the REAL Family Podcast. This podcast offers real help and hope for every family. In today’s episode, we will discuss the secret to a happy marriage.

Timothy Keller authored a book that I highly recommend. “The Meaning of Marriage” is my favorite marriage book. I go back to this book often. In chapter two of this book, Keller makes a statement I’ve held tightly to ever since I read it. I believe the secret to a happy marriage is found in this single quote. Tune in as I describe the Keller quote and why I’m certain it’s the secret to a happy marriage.

Also in this episode – email question
From: Jeremy

Hello Sir,
I have read your blog for at least a year now. I’ve always appreciated your advice, however I disagree with your obvious view of a family. You clearly believe in the very narrow definition of a family as being a man and woman that is married. My husband and I (yes, we are a married gay couple) follow similar advice and feel it benefits our relationship. Do you think we should follow your marriage advice or do you think we are wasting our time and should stop reading your blog?

Listen to the Audio

Podcast: Play in browser | Download

Subscribe on iTunes

 



 

Podcast Sponsor

This podcast episode is sponsored by the Call to Me Prayer Journal by Jeannine Moffitt. 

How can Christians transform the daily call to prayer, with all of its challenges, into a purposeful, organized, and enjoyable routine?

Call To Me provides an easy to use prayer journal that helps keep individuals on track and allows them to see their entire week of prayer at a glance. They can organize prayer requests, concerns, and praises into labeled columns across a spacious two-page spread. With plenty of room to journal, they can reflect on answered prayers, continuing requests, or even the impact of certain verses, all in one convenient location.

Along the bottom of each spread, Call To Me includes scriptures speaking to everyday topics that help spark prayer life. The journal’s creator, Jeannine Moffitt, has provided example spreads to nudge hesitant individuals past the starting line until they settle into their own rhythm.

With its beautifully laid out design, many find Call to Me a user-friendly tool for combined journaling and prayer. By taking care of the organization, it allows Christians to focus on the prayer itself and truly enjoy an enriched prayer life.

Jeannine is a wife, a mother, sister, mother-in-law, grandmother, friend, recent cancer survivor, speaker and author. Her husband is a pastor, so she can relate to other women who are also pastor’s wives and all that that brings! She is a woman with a lot of life experiences!  She’s worked in the corporate world and legal field as a certified paralegal. She’s worked in the Christian realm and non-profit arena. She (and her husband) homeschooled for 12 years. She is a recent cancer survivor and understands the difficulties and challenges of dealing with cancer. She can identify with women from varied backgrounds, various ages, and all stages of life.  She likes to use her sense of humor and quick wit to drive home truths that may be difficult to hear and even more difficult to apply!  She enjoys speaking to women and encouraging them to reach their God-given potential and become all God intended for them to be.

No matter where you’ve been—fatherless, abused, abandoned, or divorced—or where you are presently—sick, a single parent, addicted, in financial trouble—you can become the person God intended for you to be.  Jeannine will tell you that our past does not dictate our future. God has a plan for our lives regardless of our circumstances. We have a choice in what we do, and that first, critical choice is to trust God with our lives. He promises when we give our life to Him, He will show us how to live victoriously each and every day.

Jeannine has a passion for prayer and created this journal with that in mind, to help others have a deeper prayer walk with Jesus.

Open Letter to the High Desire Spouse

There is hope for sex in your marriage

So you’ve married someone that doesn’t align with your sexual desire level, you’re the high desire spouse? Join the group! It’s very rare the sexual desires in a husband and wife actually match. However, this doesn’t mean you, as the high desire spouse, are doomed to the life of sex camel.

For an explanation of sex camel, check out this short clip from one of my favorite TV show.

Unlike Ray Barone (see video above), you don’t have to be a sex camel and you don’t have to be scared. But you do have to be a talker if you want to enjoy a sex life that even comes close to your desired level. Do you want to know what I mean by being a “talker”?

Well, I’m glad you asked. To have the sex life you desire, you must be willing to discuss sex with your spouse. You have to talk about it. I know it’s the topic most married couples fear discussing the most. Recognize though, without a good discussion, the sex life inside a marriage will naturally tend toward the low desire spouse.

Is that what you want? If you think you can live with your current sex life, also consider the reality that low desire can easily and quickly become no desire. Now that changes the game a bit, doesn’t it?

Let me share with you a few principles that will help you and your spouse get through the awkward discussion about sex.

085 – Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

It’s not the real thing anyway

Welcome to episode 85 of the REAL Family Podcast. This podcast offers real help and hope for every family. In today’s episode, we will discuss a man’s perspective of comparing yourself to others.

Social media certainly didn’t create it, but it has dramatically escalated the struggle of comparing ourselves to others. Particularly vulnerable are ladies as they surf Pinterest, Facebook, and countless crafty home style websites. In this episode of The Real Family Podcast, I’ll ask you, ladies, to stop comparing yourself to others by giving you a man’s perspective of how this impacts you.

Also in this episode – email question
From: Susan

Hi Michael,
I just finished reading your post regarding forgiveness in the family. You don’t seem to mention that your son actually asked for your forgiveness. Do you think it is important one first seeks forgiveness before it is granted, especially in the case with adults? I can understand a child not asking for forgiveness, but shouldn’t we reserve forgiveness until our offender asks for it?

Listen to the Audio

Podcast: Play in browser | Download

Subscribe on iTunes


Podcast Sponsor

This podcast episode is sponsored by the Call to Me Prayer Journal by Jeannine Moffitt. 

How can Christians transform the daily call to prayer, with all of its challenges, into a purposeful, organized, and enjoyable routine?

Call To Me provides an easy to use prayer journal that helps keep individuals on track and allows them to see their entire week of prayer at a glance. They can organize prayer requests, concerns, and praises into labeled columns across a spacious two-page spread. With plenty of room to journal, they can reflect on answered prayers, continuing requests, or even the impact of certain verses, all in one convenient location.

Along the bottom of each spread, Call To Me includes scriptures speaking to everyday topics that help spark prayer life. The journal’s creator, Jeannine Moffitt, has provided example spreads to nudge hesitant individuals past the starting line until they settle into their own rhythm.

With its beautifully laid out design, many find Call to Me a user-friendly tool for combined journaling and prayer. By taking care of the organization, it allows Christians to focus on the prayer itself and truly enjoy an enriched prayer life.

Jeannine is a wife, a mother, sister, mother-in-law, grandmother, friend, recent cancer survivor, speaker and author. Her husband is a pastor, so she can relate to other women who are also pastor’s wives and all that that brings! She is a woman with a lot of life experiences!  She’s worked in the corporate world and legal field as a certified paralegal. She’s worked in the Christian realm and non-profit arena. She (and her husband) homeschooled for 12 years. She is a recent cancer survivor and understands the difficulties and challenges of dealing with cancer. She can identify with women from varied backgrounds, various ages, and all stages of life.  She likes to use her sense of humor and quick wit to drive home truths that may be difficult to hear and even more difficult to apply!  She enjoys speaking to women and encouraging them to reach their God-given potential and become all God intended for them to be.

No matter where you’ve been—fatherless, abused, abandoned, or divorced—or where you are presently—sick, a single parent, addicted, in financial trouble—you can become the person God intended for you to be.  Jeannine will tell you that our past does not dictate our future. God has a plan for our lives regardless of our circumstances. We have a choice in what we do, and that first, critical choice is to trust God with our lives. He promises when we give our life to Him, He will show us how to live victoriously each and every day.

Jeannine has a passion for prayer and created this journal with that in mind, to help others have a deeper prayer walk with Jesus.

Sexless Marriage Is Least Of Your Worries

Switch your focus to these contributors

Sex frequency is often a topic of fierce debate in marriage. The unit of measure options are finite, however, they vary greatly throughout the journey of marriage. Some couples measure sex frequency in units of day or week (twice per week, for example), while other couples measure in units of a month or even year.

Being considered a sexless marriage would suggest a couple is using year for the unit of sex frequency measure. When this is the case, it is understandably easy to begin to focus on the lack of physical intimacy in the marriage. This is especially true for the spouse with the higher sex drive.

It may be tough to accept, but you are likely worried about the wrong aspects of your marriage if your sex life is measured in a couple times per year. The lack of sex in a marriage offers ample opportunity for the mind to create all sorts of falsehoods about our spouse. This intense focus on sex creates blinders that prevent us from noticing deeper concerns in our relationship.

Our twenty-three-year marriage has certainly experienced the fluctuation of sex frequency. Yes, we’ve used all units of measure – even year. Well, actually, I’m not sure we’ve every used day, but we are both ok with this reality.

As the spouse with the higher sex drive, I’ve noticed times of sex draught allow my mind to create malicious reasons my wife avoids physical intimacy with me. I must be quick to say these are all complete fabrications of my mind and do not represent the realities of our relationship.

“She doesn’t care about meeting my needs, so she must not love me anymore.”

“I’m just not good enough for her anymore.”

“She is punishing me for something I did or didn’t do.”

“She must be having an affair.”

And the list of malicious thoughts could go on and on.

It was only through talking about our sex life that I realized I had bigger worries than my sexless marriage. If you find yourself in a period of sexlessness in your marriage, be careful to shift your focus from the lack of sex and onto these five potential culprits for the lack of physical intimacy in your relationship.

084 – The Importance of Letting Your Man Down Easy

Insights into the heart & mind of your husband

Welcome to episode 84 of the REAL Family Podcast. This podcast offers real help and hope for every family. In today’s episode, we will discuss the importance of letting your man down easy.

For men, so much of our identity is tied up in our wife’s perceptions of us. None of us like to experience rejection, but rejection from our wife cuts extremely deep. On today’s podcast, I’ll give you a look into the heart and mind of your husband when you reject him.

Listen to the Audio

Podcast: Play in browser | Download

Subscribe on iTunes

 


Podcast Sponsor

This podcast episode is sponsored by the Call to Me Prayer Journal by Jeannine Moffitt. 

How can Christians transform the daily call to prayer, with all of its challenges, into a purposeful, organized, and enjoyable routine?

Call To Me provides an easy to use prayer journal that helps keep individuals on track and allows them to see their entire week of prayer at a glance. They can organize prayer requests, concerns, and praises into labeled columns across a spacious two-page spread. With plenty of room to journal, they can reflect on answered prayers, continuing requests, or even the impact of certain verses, all in one convenient location.

Along the bottom of each spread, Call To Me includes scriptures speaking to everyday topics that help spark prayer life. The journal’s creator, Jeannine Moffitt, has provided example spreads to nudge hesitant individuals past the starting line until they settle into their own rhythm.

With its beautifully laid out design, many find Call to Me a user-friendly tool for combined journaling and prayer. By taking care of the organization, it allows Christians to focus on the prayer itself and truly enjoy an enriched prayer life.

Jeannine is a wife, a mother, sister, mother-in-law, grandmother, friend, recent cancer survivor, speaker and author. Her husband is a pastor, so she can relate to other women who are also pastor’s wives and all that that brings! She is a woman with a lot of life experiences!  She’s worked in the corporate world and legal field as a certified paralegal. She’s worked in the Christian realm and non-profit arena. She (and her husband) homeschooled for 12 years. She is a recent cancer survivor and understands the difficulties and challenges of dealing with cancer. She can identify with women from varied backgrounds, various ages, and all stages of life.  She likes to use her sense of humor and quick wit to drive home truths that may be difficult to hear and even more difficult to apply!  She enjoys speaking to women and encouraging them to reach their God-given potential and become all God intended for them to be.

No matter where you’ve been—fatherless, abused, abandoned, or divorced—or where you are presently—sick, a single parent, addicted, in financial trouble—you can become the person God intended for you to be.  Jeannine will tell you that our past does not dictate our future. God has a plan for our lives regardless of our circumstances. We have a choice in what we do, and that first, critical choice is to trust God with our lives. He promises when we give our life to Him, He will show us how to live victoriously each and every day.

Jeannine has a passion for prayer and created this journal with that in mind, to help others have a deeper prayer walk with Jesus.

083 – What Sacrifice Looks Like In Marriage

Easy said, difficult to do

Welcome to episode 83 of the REAL Family Podcast. This podcast offers real help and hope for every family. In today’s episode, we will discuss sacrifice within a marriage.

Most people understand the marriage commitment comes with a high level of sacrifice. However, we often lack a clear understanding of what sacrifice in marriage really means. In this episode of The Real Family Podcast, I’ll simplify the meaning of sacrifice in marriage and help you with practical ways to love your spouse well.

Also in this episode

Email question
From: Anonymous

Hi Michael,
I just read your blog post entitled “How To Meet Your Husband’s Needs”. I completely agree with the points you make, but I don’t know how to convince my wife how important priority, time, and energy are. How do you recommend I get her to understand my needs as her husband?

Book Reference
The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller

Listen to the Audio

Podcast: Play in browser | Download

Subscribe on iTunes

 


Podcast Sponsor

This podcast episode is sponsored by the Call to Me Prayer Journal by Jeannine Moffitt. 

How can Christians transform the daily call to prayer, with all of its challenges, into a purposeful, organized, and enjoyable routine?

Call To Me provides an easy to use prayer journal that helps keep individuals on track and allows them to see their entire week of prayer at a glance. They can organize prayer requests, concerns, and praises into labeled columns across a spacious two-page spread. With plenty of room to journal, they can reflect on answered prayers, continuing requests, or even the impact of certain verses, all in one convenient location.

Along the bottom of each spread, Call To Me includes scriptures speaking to everyday topics that help spark prayer life. The journal’s creator, Jeannine Moffitt, has provided example spreads to nudge hesitant individuals past the starting line until they settle into their own rhythm.

With its beautifully laid out design, many find Call to Me a user-friendly tool for combined journaling and prayer. By taking care of the organization, it allows Christians to focus on the prayer itself and truly enjoy an enriched prayer life.

Jeannine is a wife, a mother, sister, mother-in-law, grandmother, friend, recent cancer survivor, speaker and author. Her husband is a pastor, so she can relate to other women who are also pastor’s wives and all that that brings! She is a woman with a lot of life experiences!  She’s worked in the corporate world and legal field as a certified paralegal. She’s worked in the Christian realm and non-profit arena. She (and her husband) homeschooled for 12 years. She is a recent cancer survivor and understands the difficulties and challenges of dealing with cancer. She can identify with women from varied backgrounds, various ages, and all stages of life.  She likes to use her sense of humor and quick wit to drive home truths that may be difficult to hear and even more difficult to apply!  She enjoys speaking to women and encouraging them to reach their God-given potential and become all God intended for them to be.

No matter where you’ve been—fatherless, abused, abandoned, or divorced—or where you are presently—sick, a single parent, addicted, in financial trouble—you can become the person God intended for you to be.  Jeannine will tell you that our past does not dictate our future. God has a plan for our lives regardless of our circumstances. We have a choice in what we do, and that first, critical choice is to trust God with our lives. He promises when we give our life to Him, He will show us how to live victoriously each and every day.

Jeannine has a passion for prayer and created this journal with that in mind, to help others have a deeper prayer walk with Jesus.

4 Reasons Your Marriage Communication Fails

Understanding the proper purpose of communication

Over our 23 year marriage, I’ve notice several things about my wife that needed to change. What better way to make her aware of the changes she needed to make than to tell her? Well, it turns out there is a much better way. In fact, it’s taken me 23 years to figure out these four reasons our marriage communication fails.

Without going into too much detail, let’s just say my wife has a few quirks that drive me crazy. To be fair, her wonderful qualities far outweigh her quirks. However, am I to just let those few quirks continue to drive me crazy? Shouldn’t I say something?

No, wait. Stop right there. I’ve fallen into this trap before. I’ve made this mistake so many times I’ve lost count. And I would advise you to avoid going there as well. It is highly likely you’ve mistaken the purpose of communication in marriage and it won’t end well for you.

Marriage communication begins to break down when one or both spouses loss sight of the real purpose of communication. There are four major reasons that cause us to loss sight of that purpose. Truly examine your recent arguments and I bet you can find one or more of these misguided attitudes toward marriage communication.