It seems odd that I’m writing this article the day before our twenty-third wedding anniversary. At the time, Jennifer and I are enjoying a great relationship, but it hasn’t always been so. Only a few folks have worked up the courage to ask, so for those that wonder but won’t ask – yes, I’ve considered divorce.
Even more dangerous, I know Jennifer has considered divorce also. I could use divorce statistics to convince you, but I trust you understand that our marriage has been in serious trouble during these times of divorce consideration. Much of marriage is a mental and emotional battle. Once a spouse has mentally and emotionally gone into divorce mode, odds are they won’t return.
So how did we get there?
Well, life happened to us. Like the majority of married couples, we started having children and ventured into our careers. We often use the cliche, “don’t blink, you’ll miss something” with new parents. The cliche is meant to warn new parents their children will grow so quickly and they should cherish every moment with them. Maybe we should start using this cliche for marriage as well. Don’t blink, you’ll miss something.
We missed the fact that life was pulling us apart like a rip current in the ocean. We blinked and suddenly we were just parenting partners, not a married couple. Jennifer became consumed with our children, their education, and extracurricular activities – all very good things. I became distracted by my career, making more money, and climbing the corporate latter – again, all very good things.
In addition to children and career, we let other voluntary activities of life distract us from one another. Church activities, for example, became distractions that drifted us apart. Over the twenty-three years, we’ve done everything you can imagine in our church. When you combine the children, the career, and the church, where is there time for the couple? While it can be balanced, we failed to balance all those areas of life, therefore our marriage suffered for it. That’s when the divorce considerations crept into our mind.
So divorce considerations have infiltrated your marriage, now what? What do you do now? How do you survive? How do you keep the marriage together? Let me share a few points I learned from my own experience.